..intimate relationships are partly comprised of is absolute terror…because when we are in them, we are completely exposed as our true self to another human being. Our true, fault-ridden, sometimes horrible selves and all our desires, no matter how base, are there to be seen in the clear-eyed glare of someone else who has chosen to not look away, not matter what they see there (and because they like the look of the awesome stuff they also see.) They too want to be able to be seen in this way, to not be judged for it either. But this is the fear that being with someone else invites; that one day they might see you and decide to look away. That notion is extraordinarily frightening. Conquering the fear is the work of maintaining the relationship.
That’s why talking — really talking, not aiming pot shots, ad hominem attacks or speaking on behalf of entire genders in broad, strictly heterosexual strokes…is sometimes really difficult, why articulating our wants and needs is an art we have to learn to perfect; and why hysterical arguments on either side of a divide are doing nothing but pitting (presumably well-meaning) people against each other.
Elmo Keep on relationships for Daily Life today. It seems like half the people I follow on Twitter write for the site, and it’s worth reading for gems like this.